planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
