his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
