I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
