so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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