the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
