I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
