Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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