When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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