Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize