she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
