Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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