Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
