As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You need a sexual gate keeper
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
