my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
