yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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