dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
