We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize