he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
