you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
