yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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