Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
