Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
