she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
