did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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