So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
