I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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