I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
