just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
