i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
