Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
