Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She announced her abortion via fbk
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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