remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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