I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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