Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
