Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
