it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
