what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
