fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
