Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
