My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize