Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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