so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
