Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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