I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
