Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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