i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
