You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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