i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think I am morally bankrupt
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
