yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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