I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
