It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Everyone says I win the strip club
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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