He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
