Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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