Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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