someone owes me an orgasm
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
