So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
