Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
