Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
