There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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