One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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