well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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