I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
