Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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