she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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