i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
