shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
