woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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