Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Drunk is a universal language darling
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize