At least make sure they are 18
Why
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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