Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
