it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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