I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
