he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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