this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
