It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
