Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
