So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
