I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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