Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
