I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
