Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
