What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
