someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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