I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
