omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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