I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
