Where did you get a picture of my penis
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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