I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
