I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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