Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
