They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
did i just pee glitter
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
